Tickled Pink
by babybel
Summary: This is particularly for anyone who has ever been affected by cancer in anyway, even for the people that havent. It shows the terrible journey of two officers suffering with their disease and the unlikely friendship that forms
1. Warning Signs

Tickled Pink

This is for anybody affected by Cancer in any shape or form. It's about two Sun Hill officers and their battle with Cancer. During the battle they form a friendship that they feared had been lost over time.

* * *

She bent her head over the toilet and vomited, it felt as if all energy had been drained from her body, she knew she had to go to work but her body could not get up. She laid there, her head lifelessly resting against the aqua coloured wall, taking deep breaths she inhaled and exhaled watching her chest rising and falling. After a while she felt she had to get to her feet one hand gripping on to the edge of the sink and another balancing against the wall she pushed her self up from the floor and face her reflection in the mirror. Her skin had a greyish tinge to it and her eyes looked sunken in and had bags underneath them. She was scared of what was happening to her it was as if her whole body had been taken over and she could not control it. At first she appeared to be ok just having the odd day where she felt rough, now it had got to the point where she dreaded going to sleep in the evening fearing waking up the next morning. She had arranged to see her doctor this evening but feared what he would say. Was she pregnant?

Half an hour late she arrived at work, she knew that she would be in for it when Gina got her hands on her but for once she didn't really care, she had bigger things on her mind. Slowly walking towards inspector Golds office she heard her yells,

"Bollocks!" she stated as she stood outside the door.

She waited outside until she had finished blowing her top, taking in her surroundings she noticed Smithy pounding down the corridor towards her, looking down at her polished boots she thought to herself 'Double bollocks'.

"Glad to see you crawled in to work today PC Young" he said folding his arms across his chest.

"Sorry Sarge I haven't been feeling to good lately, I've been feeling sick lately especially in the mornings its hard to get up" she replied quietly.

"Not pregnant are we" he joked

She didn't say anything just looked down at the floor a lone tear falling down her smooth cheek.

"Are you serious?" he stated in obvious shock.

"I'm not one hundred percent but I think so"

He took her arm and led her into his office at this point in time Gina came out of her office to see Kerry, catching Smithy's eye she pointed at Kerry and cut her throat with a hand gesture. Smithy acknowledged how Gina felt, nodded and closed the door looking at Kerry while she wiped her eyes with the cuff of her jumper.

"Erm what you gonna do if you are…erm.." he stuttered,

"Is PREGNANT the word your looking for Dale?" he cried,

"I don't know, I'm going to the doctors tonight I'll see what he says" she continued,

"Are you gonna' have an abortion?" he asked, his words falling slowly out,

"Wondered how long it would be until you asked that" she proclaimed.

"Did I say that I wanted that? Anyway I'm not letting you out of the station so you can go and work on custody today, the relief are bringing back a van of people that they arrested at a riot so it should be busy" he replied ushering her out of the door.

Watching through a gap in the blinds Gina cursed Kerry, once out of site she burst open her door and pulled Smithy in.

"What lame excuse did the little madam spin off now?" She spat,

"She aint bin well" He replied quietly,

"Yeah yeah she wont be once I get my hands on her"

"Ma'am I think you should lay off her for a while" He suggested.

Meanwhile in custody Kerry went to cross her arms to shield her from the cold only to feel sheer pain in her breast. She wanted to cry but put on a brave exterior when she saw Inspector Gold parade past. Praying she wouldn't say anything she avoided eye contact pretending to be filling in a form.

"Ahh PC Young I was beginning to think that you had been abducted by aliens" She mocked,

"No ma'am still on planet earth, now if you'll excuse me I have work to do" Shrugging off Gina's constant jibes.

"Oooo hear that Smithy she says she has work to do, shame she didn't think of that last week." She continued.

Smithy noticed the tears welling up Kerry's eyes and an expression of sympathy brushed across his face. She could take it no longer, all this taunting from Gina who was meant to show superiority towards her felt like a constant knife being plunged into her. Stepping down from custody she brushed past Smithy and Gina and progressed towards the toilets…

* * *

Its not a long chapter but i just wanted you to have a little taster of tickled pink. The main theme of it is how people deal with Cancer in their own ways. Please follow this story as it will progress. I wanted to do something different something that i myself have knowledge of and the sad thing is, is that when you read this story you to may understand what i mean. Please r+r just so i know exactly how this story is working. 


	2. The whole truth and nothing but

Tickled Pink

Chapter Two

Tears were welling up in her eyes and her view became clouded, behind her she could hear Smithy's footsteps but she really didn't want him fussing. Just before she closed the door Smithy grabbed her shoulder,

"Hey Gina's just winding you up like she does with everyone, she doesn't mean anything buy it".

"Smithy how would you know she's never been like this towards you. You haven't got a clue how I feel have you everyday I come to work hoping that she'll lay off me but she never does, she just constantly picks on me. Name one other person she picks on _more _than me" she stated,

Smithy searched for a name but no one sprang to mind, Kerry was right.

"There is no one is there Smithy" she sighed closing the door behind her door.

"Kerry talk to me, please. How are we going to get through this if you want talk?" He pleaded on the other side of the door.

"Because not talking is my way of dealing with things," She cried.

"Well your going to have to tell me how your feeling cos' its not doing you any good bottling this all up" He replied.

The conversation fell silent and Smithy could hear her crying on the other side,

"Kerry let me in, please," He pleaded,

A crashing sound then total silence followed his plea,

"Kerry…Kerry are you Ok" but there was no reply,

"Kerry talk to me" He prayed that she was Ok.

He stopped then rushed into his office, standing behind his desk he opened a draw and pulled out a key. Running back to the locker room he turned the key in the lock to find her lying there on the floor, still.

"Oh my God, Kerry please answer me" but again there was no answer, her body didn't even flinch.

He cried out into the corridor praying that someone would hear him, just then June peered into the room to find the young woman's body motionless on the floor, Smithy was towering over her.

"Is everything Ok," she asked,

"Well does it look like it June? Don't just stand their do something," he snapped

June rushed outside and raised the alarm, coming back into the room she told Smithy that the ambulance was on its way.

"Sorry about snapping at you June things aint been going to well for us" he apologised

"You mean you two are together," she asked,

"Kind of, well we need to be. I'm going to tell you something but only for Kerry's sake, well she's pregnant" he smiled,

"Your baby?" she asked,

A smile ran across his thin lips,

"Yeah it is!"

"Well I just hope she's Ok for hers and the babies sake" she smiled.

* * *

She lay there drowsy from the drugs that she had been pumped with; a stinging sensation filled her eyes as they tried to open. Taking in her surroundings she noticed that it was visiting time, yet no one came to see her.

Back at the station Smithy popped his head into Gina's office, acknowledging that he was there she raised her head from the mountainous load of paper in front of her.

"I'm just popping to St Hughes to see if Kerry's Ok. I don't suppose you know where the maternity ward is do you?" He asked with a broad smile,

"No there forever moving it and extending it, I might pop down later anyway," she replied, reading glasses resting on the tip of her nose.

"Ok I'll just ask when I get there. Gina I don't really think its a good idea you going to see her she needs rest not you nagging at her."

"I'm just doing my bit, you know taking an interest in my Pc's welfare" she smiled sarcastically.

Smithy wasn't so sure but he let it rest he wasn't prepared to argue with Gina Gold purely because he knew that she'd win.

"Hang on young man why do you want maternity?" she questioned knowing that something was up.

Smithy tried to keep it in but he just wanted to shout it out,

"Kerry's pregnant," He stated,

Gina spat out the coffee that was in her mouth and looked at him,

"You and her… having a baby!" she spluttered in complete shock,

"Yeah we are" He smiled,

He continued,

"And I don't for you to voice your little opinion Gina I'm happy with it… really I am".

* * *

She lay there rigid from the shock, 'no it can't be she thought'. She felt sick with fear, alone, isolated from her previous life or so it may seem. This was the point where her life changed forever, now life was precious, live it to the max just like she had been told. But how, she didn't have the strength, thinking about long-term plans seemed impossible at this point in time. She knew how life changed so drastically, learning that at a very early age. All her memories came flooding back it seemed as if this had triggered off a flow of memories and they just didn't stop flowing through her tired brain. It seemed that history was repeating itself, but why did it have to affect her she was still young her life had yet to begin.

A middle-aged woman with short blonde hair stood at the end of her bed handing her a tissue,

"Hi how are you feeling?" she asked,

Wiping her eyes she responded,

"You know"

"Why aren't you on a maternity ward? Can't they treat you better on there?" reply to the abrupt answer.

This statement dissolved her into a ball of tears and she could not tell her why she wasn't.

"Oh Kerry I'm so sorry, I didn't realise, Smithy told me I just assumed everything was Ok." June knew she was digging herself into an even bigger hole.

She still lay there silent, unable to reply. Her pain was beginning to be taken over with anger, how dare he tell everyone?

After a while June realised that standing there was pointless so she searched for an admirable excuse,

"I'll be right back I have to talk to a suspect"

On the way out of the ward she noticed Smithy approaching her,

"Hi Smithy, I'm so sorry" she stated in a sad voice,

"Why what's happened" he panicked brushing past her into the ward.

He saw Kerry, sitting up in bed, her face tear stained. Walking over slowly he tried to push his emotions back inside of him knowing that she would not want to see them.

"Hey" he said, shooting a wan smile and laying his hand on top of hers.

Sliding her hand from underneath she turned the other way, Smithy continued,

"What's wrong, tell me remember what I said about sharing things it helps".

Turning to face him her voice turned to sheer anger,

"How does it Smithy it just makes things worse, you had no right telling June. What exactly were you thinking of?"

"I…I had to get it off my chest, anyway she had to tell the paramedics about it didn't she" he stuttered,

"I don't know did she, because at that point I was kind of unconscious"

"Kerry why are you being like this, its not good for you or the.." but before he had a chance to reply she interrupted,

"The baby? There is no baby, there never was"…

* * *

Another chapter done. In the next chapter i'm going to explain exactly what is going on so don't panic if your not following this very well. Please r+r I can't explain how impotant it is to receive reviews,I need to see what you think so I can improve. Lotsa Love Babybel xxxx


	3. An old Acquaintance

Get your tissues at the ready guys!

* * *

"What do you mean there was no baby Kerry?" He said quietly, yet the words flowed out of his mouth with ease,

"I said there was no baby Smithy, I wasn't pregnant" she said upset yet appearing to grit her teeth.

"But you said, you said that you were, I remember" he said stuttering slightly due to the shock.

"No, I said I _think _I'm pregnant. I'm sorry Smithy I need my rest can you go," she said with her eyes clouded.

Smithy stood there, his frame rigid, breathing in he spoke,

"But Kerry" placing his hand on hers again,

"I said go," she shouted swotting his hand off.

Aware of the commotion a nurse appeared from the other side of the ward; stern in appearance she looked Smithy straight in the eye,

"Miss Young needs her rest sir could you please leave" She said sarcastically,

Smithy had no reaction to what she had said instead he looked back at Kerry who wiped the tears from her pale face.

"Now" she said pressing the matter further until he left the ward.

The nurse tugged at the bottom of her dress and stepped over to Kerry's bed side,

"Is there anyone you'd like me to contact for you?" she asked,

Kerry just shook her head not saying a word, not even making eye contact instead she looked through the pane of glass in the door. She hoped that he was still out there but she secretly knew that that wasn't the case.

"Are you sure there isn't anyone I can call, a relative or a friend?" she said sympathetically.

"No there's no one. The only family I've got is my dad but were not really talking at the moment." She finally said.

Inhaling the nurse replied,

"But he's your dad, wouldn't he want to know?"

"You don't understand he'd just say that it was my fault and that I deserved it," she cried,

"No one deserves this sweetheart, not at your age, your still young" she stressed.

Smithy sat at his desk holding his head in his hands, walking past Gina noticed his figure through the glass.

Peeking her head round the door she smiled and invited herself in,

"How's Kerry doing?" she asked,

"Like you care" he spat,

"Whoa I was only asking Smithy" She replied,

"To be honest I didn't stay that long before she got me chucked out and frankly I don't care at the moment. Now can you just leave me in peace."

…….

Holding onto her hat Gina asked the receptionist what ward Kerry was on, once she had a reply she marched down the corridor.

The young woman was sitting up flicking aimlessly through a glossy magazine when Gina walked over; she coughed to notify her presence. Kerry looked up to see her there, a face like thunder and eyebrows raised.

"What" Kerry stated,

"Charming, now I know how Smithy felt" The older woman replied,

"If you're here to moan at me don't bother just go back to your poxy office" She moaned looking at her magazine. She knew that neither she nor Smithy deserved to be treated like that but she couldn't help it, the aggression was taking over and she couldn't stop it.

Putting her hat down and smoothing the bed cover over Gina sat opposite Kerry looking into her eyes. They were dark and withdrawn, although they appeared to be looking down at the magazine Gina knew that Kerry was watching her every move.

"Smithy really cares about you Kerry, that was no way to treat him you know he deserves better," Gina said in a softer voice.

"Don't you think I know that Gina I'm no good for him, besides he wont want to be with me anyway. This way I'll let him down gently," she said while her eyes started to well up again.

"Yeah and break his heart in the process. Why did you snap at him Kerry and send him away, the poor bloke had just lost his baby he needs to grieve"

" Grieve, more like wrap me up in cotton wool it makes me feel sick, besides there was no baby," she added.

" What do you mean there wasn't a baby he told me" Gina said in a confused tone,

"Just like he told everyone else I bet, anyway it was a false alarm. Im not pregnant and im fine" she stated while reaching over to grab a tissue,

"You and I both know that's not true, you may have forgotten that I knew you very well a few years ago I knew exactly what you wanted in life and to be loved was certainly one of them. You have this man that loves you more than anything in the world and you give him the cold shoulder, even Honey can work out that that's not right." Gina seemed caring and concerned for Kerry and her eyes were deep in thought.

For a brief moment Kerry smiled but then as her words began to flow the seriousness of the situation came to light.

"Yeah your right, I would have given anything to have had a man like Smithy a year ago I still would now but I can't break his heart again Gina. You don't understand I love him like mad, I love him too much, that's why I can't let him love me back." She whispered,

"I think it's a bit late for that he's head over heels in love with you Kerry. What's made you change your mind about loving him?" she asked praying Kerry would give a legitimate answer.

"I don't want him to love me than suddenly lose me, I don't want to see him hurt Gina. Can I ask you something?" she asked the older woman,

"Yeah as long as it's not too deep, you know me I don't do emotions," she laughed trying to rid the conversation of the sombre mood that hung.

She tried to talk but her words wouldn't come out, Smithy was right for once although bottling things up was her way of dealing with things it certainly didn't help. Taking a deep breath she looked Gina in the eyes,

"When you found out you had cancer how did you feel, did you feel like you just wanted someone to be there for you and tell you that you were going to be ok or am I just being stupid" She murmured wiping her eyes with her hand.

"Oh Kerry you haven't" Gina said shocked and scared for this young woman,

She couldn't say a word; instead she nodded at the woman and dissolved into tears. Holding the young woman's tiny frame she held her tight.

* * *

Sorry for the depressing ending but the story does get happier trust me! Please r+r! 


	4. Loneliness rocks my world

**Tickled Pink**

**Chapter 4**

Kerry untangled herself from Gina and sat back against the pile of pillows, she wiped her eyes and gave a smile,

"Please don't tell Smithy, please," she pleaded looking deep into Gina's eyes,

Gina's face strained, she knew that Smithy would want to know but she also knew how Kerry was feeling; she'd been there herself.

"Ok, _I _won't tell him but you must at some point it's not an easy thing to hide, what with all the chemo and stuff" Gina agreed.

Bursting into a fresh round of tears Gina passed Kerry a tissue from the box on her bedside table, instead of wiping her eyes she clenched it in her fist, tightly squeezing.

"I'm so scared Gina I mean what if I die, what if the chemo and radiotherapy doesn't work. I don't want to die there's so many things I want to do" She whispered,

"Don't talk silly everything's gonna be Ok and you'll get to do those things. I'll put you on sick leave I'm so sorry I have to go now or they'll wonder where I've got to." She smiled giving a nervous laugh.

As Gina picked up her hat and stood Kerry smiled at her watching her movements, itching to say something,

"I'm so sorry to Gina, please remember what I said" her eyes following her out of the ward.

She was all alone now, all alone having to deal with things although she was used to it whenever a problem occurred in her life no one else would deal with it, maybe that's what moulded her. She saw the ward sister approaching her with a batch of leaflets from what she could see it appeared that it was time to face her fears and see how bad they really would be.

"Hey, how are feeling" she smiled,

"Like someone's punched me right in the boob" She stated.

The ward sister didn't know whether it was meant with sarcasm or as a joke to lighten the mood, indecisive she shrugged it off with a laugh. Remembering why she came to speak to her the ward sister passed her the selection of leaflets,

"I've got a few leaflets here just giving you a bit of background on the type of cancer and the treatments" She said handing her the wad.

To Kerry they seemed useless; she already knew the facts; well the important ones anyway.

Getting no response from Kerry the nurse just placed them on her cabinet and went away, upon walking away she collared a man in a white overcoat and pointed towards Kerry. Acknowledging what the nurse had said to him he walked over to Kerry. He was tall in height with whitish hair; his face seemed slightly worn due to the frown lines yet he had an heir of authority and wisdom. His glasses sat perched on the end his nose and he peered down at Kerry's notes,

"Ahh miss Young, and so you are" He joked hoping to cheer her up,

"I've heard you staging a silence?" he carried on with his jokes,

Again there was no reply but her eyes seemed engaged in what he was saying,

"You know everyone is here to help you, if you let them. Our aim is to give you the best recovery we can," He said in a more serious tone as he took off his glasses with his left hand.

"Recovery or comfortable death" she stated,

Before giving him a chance to reply to her statement she carried on,

"I'm sure you are here to make me feel better but there's really no use, you should save the treatment and drugs for someone who well benefit from it; unlike me." She said finishing suddenly emphasising the end.

"Why do you think that? The treatment that is offered is quite revolutionary now and the survival rates are rising at an impressive rate."

" My mum died of cancer and there was nothing anyone could do, she just had to suffer; and they say it's genetic don't they" She snapped,

"Im sorry it's not your fault, I just don't want to be led to believe that you can do something when you're just kidding yourself." She apologised for her sudden outburst,

"May I ask how old you was when your mum died?" he asked,

"Four" she replied.

"Sorry to hear that, I can see why you're worried though. You were young it was a confusing period in your life, losing someone that you love dearly." He began to make sense in Kerry's mind and she was intrigued as to what he was saying, did he understand her?

"Sometimes I just feel so alone like I have nobody there for me, whenever I wanted a conversation with her or I had a problem she wasn't there. I miss her so much, I know some people think that losing her then wouldn't be as bad as now but its not. I have no memories of her, the ones that I did have have been wiped out forever and no one can replace them. I just miss her so much."

* * *

Sorry for the shortness but hey plzzzzzzzzzz review! 


	5. Parental neglect

Tickled Pink

**Chapter Five**

Sorry that it's been a while but I've been trying to keep my head above the water with coursework at the moment. Im hoping to write at least one chapter of one of my fics every week but that might not be the case. Please keep reviewing its encouragement to know that peeps are still out there and reading these fics. Good luck to everyone who has done their GCSE's we'll just have to sit back and wait for the results. Anyway here is the next instalment of Tickled Pink enjoy…

Opening the wooden door she looked around to see who was in the room, only one officer sat in the dim room in the corner surrounded by papers. Pulling out the blue padded chair she sat on it and looked at the computer screen. The entry box was empty until she began to type; rapidly letters filled the box until the words GRAHAM YOUNG appeared. Scrolling down the page she noticed an address, after scanning it she wrote it down on a piece of lined paper and folded it into her pocket. The door creaked open and Smithy appeared, startled she minimized the programme and looked at him before standing up.

"Everything alright Gina" He said suspiciously,

"Fine, what you doing I thought you was meant to be on the beat with Tony." She questioned.

"Ah. I questioned his running pace and the stupid Git twisted his ankle trying to run me out." He cringed.

"And where is Kelly Holmes now?" Gina laughed.

"In the FME with an ice pack around his ankle" He laughed.

"Suppose I had better go and see him," She said brushing past.

His eyes followed Gina out of the room before his curiosity got the better of him, sitting down in the same chair as Gina he maximised the page. Scanning through the information he realised whose information he was reading before remembering about the person in the back of his mind.

As much as she had hurt him lately he still cared deeply for her, enough to take on a baby or so he thought. She was not pregnant that was clear but why was she not back and work why was she still in hospital?

Smithy decided to find out for himself and took a black biro out of the drawer to jot down the address on the back of his hand.

Kerry had always been close to her dad or so Smithy thought, he thought that Graham might shed some light onto the situation.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

As she approached the glass building Gina took in her surroundings, in front of her was a glistening Jaguar it was charcoal in colour and in pristine condition. It was not until she became parallel with the front of the car did she see the reservation sign marked. G. YOUNG, instinctively she knew that he was of major importance. Walking across the marble reception floor she stopped at the reception desk, the woman behind it wore a scarf around her neck and her lips were stained scarlet with lipstick. Flashing her warrant card she asked to speak to Kerry's dad; this was no police matter but the warrant card made her of some importance to the woman behind the desk. Five minutes later a middle aged man appeared from the lift, smart in appearance wearing a lilac shirt with a matching tie he greeted her,

"Long time no see Inspector Gold how may I help?" He questioned with a slight smile on his worn face.

"This isn't a police matter I've come to talk about your daughter," She stated getting straight to the point, Gina was not one for wasting useful time.

"Ah then you had better come up" He replied while rolling his eyes.

Gina noted this sarcastic gesture as she stepped into the lift with him.

His office was of the same glass structure, everything appeared to be in pristine condition and there was not a pen out of place. Instantly Gina read him like a book.

"So what has she done now, to be honest I'm past caring if she messes up her life its not my problem. I expected so much more of her, oh well I guess we can't all expect the best from our children. Do you have any?" He implied.

"No." She replied abruptly skipping straight to the point,

"She hasn't done anything".

"Well that makes a change. Normally she's causing a stir," He said pessimistically.

Gina shifted some papers so she could rest her hand on the spacious desk, instantly Graham moved them out of her way.

"I think you would be surprised Mr Young your daughter is able to and can achieve great things, I agree she can make a mistake but can't we all."

" I really do not have time for this as you can see im very busy" He said pointing to the small pile of papers on his desk.

"I think you should really talk to her" She replied walking out of the office.

* * *

Another chapter up i have exams for 2 wks solid now but after that im concentrating on this for a while as my baby has been neglected by its creator lol xxxxxxxxx 


	6. Sweet Ecstasy

Tickled Pink

Chapter Six

Sweet Ecstasy

Wasn't going to write for a couple of weeks but after the day I've had I need something to take my mind off of things. Thank You Tishy-Tash you're the best mate and always there for me love ya XxX!

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx-x-x-x-x-x

He saw Gina exit the building but did not want to cause alarm; instead he parked his car out of eye view around a corner. Once out of sight he got out and walked into the same reception as Gina had previously done. He was about to talk the woman on reception when he noticed a familiar man ascending the stairs,

"Graham" He called out while running over.

"I've already told Gina that whatever Kerry has done I'm not interested." He said with a sigh.

"I wasn't coming about that I just wanted to know what's wrong with her" he replied.

"Plenty. And that's why I want to stay out of this; now if you'll excuse me I have work to do" He turned his back up carried on up the stairs.

He was walking away from the problem that was something that Smithy so wanted to do but Kerry had this hold over him, it was something indescribable, full of passion. He cared beyond the call of duty and he could just not turn away.

"She's in hospital and I don't know what's going on. You might be willing to turn your back on her but I'm not. I love your daughter more than you ever will."

There they were the words he searched for, expressed finally but to the wrong person. A scene had been caused yet the pain he felt shielded the embarrassment, instead he stared at the emotionless man facing him back. No reaction from the man who cared for his love without love, his heart yearned for the woman; so frail, so alone.

His hand fell to his side as he shook his head in utter disgust. The area was still silent but the turn off his feet on the marble flooring caused activity to start.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The news racked her mind in a way even she could not comprehend, one by one she packed her things into the black bag. The pamphlets lay on the bedside table still in the same position as when the nurse placed them there. When given them she wanted nothing to do with them so why now? Picking them up she through them into the bin beside her and zipped her bag up. A tear ran down her cheek as she thought deeply, the end was clearer now but her emotions still seemed as mixed as ever.

The nurse shot her a smile as she went about her medication rounds, smiling back she through her bag over her left shoulder and walked towards the door. She turned her back on the room that filled her nights, the loneliest nights of her life.

Holding her head up high she noticed the figure at the end of the corridor, he towered over her but he was not menacing; he offered her protection from those lonely times. Would she take his protection or face the world on her own?

"Hey" he said softly looking at her, appreciating every inch of her with his green eyes.

"Hey" She replied in the same tone with misty eyes.

"Your going home then" He said, rocking forwards and backwards on the heels of his feet.

"Yeah" she said smiling at him slightly.

For a brief moment they stood there looking around them lost her words, until their voices collided. Smithy stopped to let Kerry carry on.

"Thanks, so erm what are you doing here" She said.

"I've come to see how you are. Before you say anything just let me say what I have to OK?" He said looking down at her with the expression that melted her heart even when she felt most cold.

"Ok" she replied bluntly. This was not something that Smithy was expecting.

"Can I take you home and talk there" He questioned.

There was a brief pause while she thought,

"Erm OK it can't take too long though I'm tired" She stated, although she was feeling tired it was not why she said this.

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On the way to her flat Smithy realised what he wanted to ask her most,

Pulling the car into gear he looked at her for a brief moment before saying,

"What was wrong with you Kerry?".

Pausing while thinking of an adequate answer she scratched her arm,

"Erm… I didn't have enough sugar in my blood."

It seemed to work but deep down she hated the secrecy, although she knew Smithy wasn't ready for the truth.

At her flat Smithy held her hand as he guided her towards the sofa, he looked into her eyes and saw hurt and pain; something that he wanted so badly to stop if only he had been given the chance.

"I know that you probably don't feel the same but I have to tell you Kerry I feel more for you than you think. When I thought you was pregnant I was shocked to say the least but I wanted to be there for you…"

Before he could finish Kerry cried back,

"Please Smithy, I don't want to talk about that there was no baby and there never will be".

"Kerry just let me finish, we had a one night stand that's all. You might feel like that's all you want from us, casual sex but I think more of you than that. I love you Kerry and I don't care if you don't feel that way. There you go I've made a fool out of myself but Ill deal with that, what I can't deal with is not being able to tell you how I feel." He said, so passionately that every word merged together.

She fell silent while the realisation of it hit her. Then the pain stabbed her heart when she realised she could not do what Smithy had just done.

"No, its not a one night stand for me but I can't hurt you Smithy, you want something that I can't give you. You have to trust me on this one." It hurt her in a way she couldn't comprehend and her body became swallowed up by a wave of emotions.

"I don't care if you'll hurt me Kerry you've said what I dreamt you'd say to me one day. I love you and nothing will ever change that; I'll love you for the rest of my life and I want to care for you every day if you'd let me." He was everything she had ever wanted and he was there like she had dreamed. Was she being selfish in taking him?

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She lay on top of him kissing every inch of his body while his warm body held her tight. This was comfort that she had longed for and her body was full of sweet ecstasy. His hands caressed her smooth skin as she stared into his eyes deeply and passionately, brushing away her hair he trailed kisses down her neck and fell into full embrace.

This wasn't a moment of passion this was a lifetime.

* * *

Even I can't believe I wrote that in an hour hehe. Hope you enjoyed xx 


	7. no more lies

**Tickled Pink**

**Chapter Seven**

**No more lies**

She looked at the sleeping figure next to her, it was light but still very early and she just couldn't sleep. She sat on the end of the bed for a while drawing circles around her knees with her fingers; her body was at a sort of limbo. It was free from the hospital medication but the disease still sat within her. On the way to the kitchen she looked at the various pictures scattered along her wall; family and friends filled every frame and the smiles beamed down upon her. Pulling the blinds up she looked out onto her small garden, it could have been bigger but it satisfied her as she was hardly ever there. She poured the hot water into a mug and sat down at the table, taking a sip she flicked through a magazine that rested on top of the pile in the corner of the table. One page in particular stood out the most, it was an advertisement asking women of all ages to race for breast cancer; it was called the moon walk. Instantaneously she knew that she wanted to do it and tore the page out from its spine. At that time of night she didn't want to do it on her own and so reached for the phone calling the one person who sprung to mind.

The person picked up quicker than she thought they would at this time in the morning, nevertheless their tone was still gravely.

"Hello" they said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Hey Gina it's me" Kerry said slightly apprehensive of Gina's reaction to the call this early.

"What are you doing up this early" she asked, Kerry could hear her taking a puff of a cigarette in the background.

"I can't sleep and I was just going to ask you something," She said while biting her lip.

Before finishing what she had to say Smithy's voice called out from the bottom of the stairs; Kerry's face shrivelled up appearing to be embarrassed.

"And what would Mr Smith be doing in your house at this ludicrous hour" Gina asked while taking a drag from her cigarette.

Flushing hot Kerry could not find an adequate reason apart from the fact that he had stayed and as much as she trusted Gina now there were something's she wanted to keep a secret and that was one of them. Letting Gina work it out for herself she just gave a slight chuckle and carried on the conversation as if the interruption had never happened.

Luckily Gina had agreed to do it after much arm twisting, writing down the web address onto a post it note Kerry sat back into the wooden kitchen chair. She could hear footsteps behind her and smiled, the next thing she felt were Smithy's lips trailing kisses down her neck.

"Mornin'" He said to her in a croaky voice.

"Morning" She replied while getting up from the chair and pouring the remaining tea into the sink.

"I have to go back to the hospital today Smithy do you need a lift in to work on the way?" She asked in a more serious tone as the smile started to dissolve from her face.

"Nothing to serious I hope?" He asked while brushing past her. Kerry noticed that he seemed to brush himself against her very closely noting that there was no need for it. Laughing to herself about Smithy's flirting tactics broke the cruel atmosphere about the day.

Remembering that Smithy had asked a question she quickly replied bringing her back down to earth with a thud.

"Erm… no its just a check-up to see how my blood sugar level is"

Again the lies couldn't stop coming out, she kidded herself it was only for Smithy's benefit but this wasn't true and she knew it.

"Ok" he said, pecking her on the cheek.

"Is it ok if I have a shower" Smithy asked as he stood in the doorframe of the kitchen.

"Sure" Kerry replied as she washed up the mug she had just used.

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Smithy waved goodbye as he got out of the passenger seat and walked towards the station. Before starting the car to drive to St Hughes Kerry looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was becoming patchy due to the fact that she was so flustered. She inhaled a shaky breath and waved her hands up and down to attempt to calm her.

At the hospital Kerry sat in the corridor, early for her appointment she sat there glancing at the different posters on the wall; stop smoking, wear sunscreen and obesity. None of them highlighted the fact that cancer wasn't just for the over 50's as she presumed and maybe because of this misconception it may be too late.

After half an hour of waiting Kerry was called in to a side room. A smart man in a suit sat behind a desk as a nurse was busily preparing something in the connecting room. He sat forward in his seat and clasped his hands together on the desk, Kerry noted this shift on body language and prepared herself for the worst.

"Miss Young, after receiving your test results we've found that the tumour is to progressed to be solely operated on and im afraid you will need a course of chemotherapy." His tone as serious as his gestures.

Kerry simply acknowledged his statement, too afraid to talk, unaware of how she would take it.

"I'm not going to lie to you, it's a draining process but there is a chance that you will make a full recovery and that what we need to take into consideration.

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Smithy poked his head around Gina's door and she ushered him in by waving her index finger erratically.

"What were you doing at PC Young's this morning?" She enquired.

Smithy gave the same reply as Kerry did; a simple chuckle.

"She has to go back today to have a check up" He said hoping to change the subject.

"You know why she was in hospital?" Gina asked, being careful where she trod.

"Yeah" Smithy replied, he was beginning to wonder why Gina looked so surprised.

"It's not like she wasn't going to tell me" He carried on.

"And you understand that she needs support?" Gina questioned, she appeared confused as to how well Smithy was taking it.

Then it clicked it place for Smithy,

"Were not talking about the same thing are we? She hasn't got low blood sugar, why did she really collapse?" He pressed, looking straight at her.

"Smithy its not my place if you don't know" She replied, realising what she had just done.

"Gina" Smithy scowled attempting to press the issue even further.

"Kerry has cancer Smithy".

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I haven't written this in a while and I'm hoping to alternate between this and Saviour for a while, as they both should be finished by Christmas.

Please review,

Love you lots

Lauz

XxX


	8. Make this go on forever

**Tickled Pink**

**Chapter Eight**

Firstly I apologise for not having updated in an appallingly long time. Since January I've been having computer troubles but im back now for good! I really want to bring this fic to an end as a particularly like it and can see the end of the tunnel now! Enjoy love me!

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Like a tornado ripping the heart out of a town, the words tore Smithy apart. The immense realisation of what Gina had told him began to dawn on him and the missing pieces of the puzzle began to paint a picture of what was happening.

"How long?" Smithy questioned

"Not long Smithy" Gina felt guilty now that she had been put in this position, forced to lie to her close colleague.

"Whereabouts has she got it? Is she going to die?" So many questions needed to be answered but Smithy hadn't prepared himself for what he might hear.

"Breast cancer, but that's all I know; you have to ask Kerry."

* * *

She heard the door go and winced in pain as she tried to mask how she was really feeling.

Unable to speak to her, Smithy just stood there taking her appearance in.

Her pyjamas were loose around her small frame; since the news her appetite had been the last thing on her mind.

Smithy also noted the grey tint her skin had become accustomed to, matched with the dark circles under her eyes.

"I'm sorry Smithy; I didn't mean to hurt you." Her words rang true but Smithy had an overwhelming anger that he could not suppress no matter how hard he tried.

"When did you think to tell me? When we were married, when we bring our first child home from hospital, after sex or not at all?" Tensed up so hard were his muscles that his vision became clouded.

A lone tear run down her cheek, disappearing into the palm of her hand as she caught it.

"I…I didn't know how to tell you. I was trying to protect you Smithy but I guess I failed." There was nothing to say apart from the blatant truth and she was aware of this as well as being fully ashamed of her actions.

Closing his eyes momentarily to stop the stinging sensation he pictured her beautiful face. Its warm hues and sparkling eyes captured his thoughts taking the place of the run down features that she now owned.

Running his hands through her hair he closed his eyes yet again in unison with her, he felt guilty for he once again tried to remember the image that he previously saw. Instead it was replaced with the same one that the woman was wearing.

Running his hand softly down her uneven cheek he tipped his head forward, foreheads resting together. The room was silent yet it carried so many thoughts, so many explanations.

"Will you let me back into your heart Kerry or will you shut me out?" His words ringing true with her previous behaviour.

"I will as long as you will stay with me tonight" Kerry's pitch was quiet but complimented her warm, husky tone.

"I'll stay with you forever if you will let me" Smithy said back. By now Kerry's eyes were firmly shut but a smile spread evenly across her face as they entwined their hands together.

"Hold me Smithy" She whispered as a tear ran down her cheek, but before Smithy could see the tear it had been wiped away without a trace, soaking up into her pyjamas.

The warmth no longer radiated from body to body and her hands were limp and cold. She was gone.

**Again he whispered into her ear,**

'**I love you' followed by that single tear.**

**Sobs! Its all over folks, I actually had a little lump in my throat as I was coming to the end. I hope I did that fic the justice I wanted to, just to sum up a few missing chunks a small epilogue will be on its way but that's the main story over!**

**Thank you for being such fabulous reviewers, I love you all**

**P.S. Im eternally sorry for not making it the happy ending you wanted but K/S Babies will be along soon! **


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